This is an incredibly common experience for both men and women. You put yourself out there, start a relationship with someone, feel hopeful because this time feels different, get stuck in the same cycles you’ve experienced in past relationships, wonder why it’s not working with this person, experience guilt or shame about it, and break up (more guilt and shame).
It’s easy to feel increasingly hopeless when you repeat this cycle. I can help you figure out what is perpetuating this cycle, why you’re not getting what you want, and what you can change to get what you want out of your relationships.
Intense Arguing or Yelling
It’s hard to think clearly and make skillful decisions when tension is high. A conversation might start out calm enough, but at some point, someone gets triggered, defenses take over, passive aggressive statements (or blatantly offensive comments) are being made and now you’re arguing, maybe yelling. This takes a toll on any relationship. It’s hard to feel close to someone when one or both of you is on guard for the next argument.
Difficulty Trusting Someone
Trust is the foundation for intimacy. Whether you feel that the trust in your relationship has been actively destroyed, or you are having trouble building primary trust at the beginning of your relationship, this is a scary place to be.
We will explore unique ways to resolve trust issues and increase understanding of what you need to trust your relationship.
The presence of jealousy hurts a lot of relationships, not just intimate partnerships. We will look at the type and purpose of the jealousy in your relationship, origins, how it impacts you and your relationship, and how to move through it.
This topic can be a little bit tricky for couples. It can bring up past issues that, until now, seemed resolved. The parents I see find it useful to get objective third-party guidance that helps them establish a realistic way of co-parenting instead of running two completely different households at any given time or one parent setting/enforcing all of the rules and the other stewing in resentment.
Unfulfilling Sexual Relationship
An unfulfilling sexual relationship can be a symptom of lack of trust, fear of intimacy, insecurity, or preoccupation. If someone isn’t feeling safe in the relationship, doesn’t trust the other, if there is chronic discord, or if you’re not honest with yourself (or your partner) about your needs it can show up in many aspects of your relationships, including your sex life.
Many of my clients tell me that they have a difficult time broaching this subject with one another and that they can’t imagine feeling comfortable talking about it with a professional. It’s understandable; if it doesn’t feel safe to discuss something with someone you identify as an intimate partner(s), why should it feel safe to talk about it with anyone else? Those who come to see me make incredible progress and begin to enjoy satisfying, healthy sexual relationships.
Sex + Intimacy
Two different things, both important for healthy and satisfying relationships with our partners and with ourselves. Many people want more sex and intimacy in their relationship but are confused about how to get there. They are afraid of exploring this with their partners, or fearful of what they think increased intimacy or a change in a sexual relationship might mean.
The result of inaction is that one or more partners remain dissatisfied, and they begin to settle for less. Some people look outside their current relationship to fill the need. Others shut down, stop hoping for a change in their relationship, become resentful, disconnected, or both.
We long for better sex and increased intimacy but we don’t know how to get there. We’re exhausted from the daily grind of work, family, and all of our commitments and sometimes, it’s all we can do to share a quick hug and a kiss before launching into our laundry list of what the day has brought us if we even talk at all.
It doesn’t have to be like this. I will help you find your way to a more satisfying, fortified relationship, increased intimacy, and better sex.