Understanding the Difference Between Gender, Sex, and Sexual Orientation

Natalie Mills San Francisco Psychotherapy and Coaching, San Francisco Counseling, San Francisco Therapy, San Francisco CA Therapists, San Francisco CA Therapist, San Francisco CA Couples Counseling, couples therapy san francisco ca, couples therapist san francisco ca, San Francisco Marriage Therapy, San Francisco Marriage Counseling, San Francisco Coaching, EMDR therapists in San Francisco, EMDR therapist in san Francisco ca, EMDR therapy in San Francisco CA, psychologist in san francisco, female psychotherapist san francisco, psychotherapist in san francisco, marriage and family therapist in san francisco, relationship therapy in san francisco, help with intimacy therapy san francisco, help with intimacy San Francisco, parenting issues san Francisco therapy, help for depression in san francisco, depression treatment san francisco, anxiety treatment san Francisco, help for anxiety san francisco, addiction treatment San Francisco, alcoholism treatment san francisco ca, help with substance abuse san francisco, eating disorders, help with anorexia san francisco, help with bulimia san francisco, help with binge eating disorder san francisco, learning self-care, EMDR, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, self-compassion therapy san francisco, family therapy san francisco, eating disorder therapist in San Francisco ca, eating disorder specialist san francisco, pre marital therapy san francisco, couples therapy san francisco, couples therapist San Francisco, pre marital counseling san francisco, recovering from an eating disorder san francisco, help with eating disorder san francisco, treatment for anorexia san francisco ca, treatment for bulimia san francisco ca, treatment for binge eating san francisco ca, addiction treatment san francisco ca, treatment for substance abuse san francisco, eating disorder treatment San Francisco, mental health san francisco, mental health therapist san francisco, mental health professional san francisco, healing from shame san francisco, recovering from infidelity san francisco ca, career counseling san francisco, trauma recovery san Francisco therapy ca, trauma treatment san francisco ca, mental health support in san francisco, treatment for shame san francisco, secual abuse specialist san francisco ca, treatment for sexual abuse san francisco therapy, trauma treatment San Francisco, PTSD therapist in San Francisco ca, therapy for PTSD in San Francisco ca, trauma specialist san francisco, PTSD specialist san francisco, treatment for obsessive compulsive disorder san francisco ca, anger management therapy san francisco, stress management therapy san francisco, help with communication san francisco, performance enhancement coaching san francisco, attachment-based therapy san francisco, attachment-based therapist san francisco, mindful meditation therapy san francisco, sex therapy san francisco, sex therapist san francisco, sexuality specialist therapy san francisco, treatment for sexual abuse san francisco, psychospiritual therapy san francisco ca, grief therapy san francisco ca, feminist therapy san francisco, treatment for Narcissistic personality disorder san francisco, treatment for borderline personality disorder san francisco, marriage counseling san francisco, attachment-focused therapy san francisco, internal family systems therapy san francisco, internal family systems therapist in san francisco, choosing a therapist in san francisco, choosing the right therapist in san francisco, how to choose a therapist san francisco, find a therapist in san francisco, female therapist in san francisco, finding the right therapist san francisco, ethical non-monogamy affirming therapist in san francisco ca, ethical nonmonogamy affirming therapist in san francisco ca, polyamory affirming therapist san francisco ca

There are a kajillion subsets that we like to use to organize and measure certain information about society. We use socioeconomic status, age, race, ethnicity, culture, and language to name a few. We also use the subset “sex.” Sex refers to male, female, and other/intersex. From here it can get a little tricky for some people who conflate the term “sex” with the gender spectrum and sexual orientation. It’s not all the same.

While they do intersect, gender identity, gender expression, sex assigned at birth, sexual orientation, and romantic orientation aren’t synonymous with one another. They aren’t lumped under one big umbrella marked “gender.”

Sex assigned at birth refers to just that- the sex someone was assigned to when they were born based on the presentation of their genitals.

Someone’s gender identity may or may not be the same as their sex. If someone was assigned female at birth and they also identify, she might use the term “cisgender” to describe her gender identity. (This term was coined around 1994 and is credited to biologist Dana Leland Defosse, “cis” meaning “on this side of.”) If someone was assigned male at birth but identifies as female, she might use the term “transgender” to describe her gender identity. (This term was coined between 1969-1971 by American transgender activist Virginia Prince “trans” meaning “across, beyond, or on the other side of”.) Not everyone identifies using the neat and binary terms of cisgender and transgender. Some people identify as agender, gender queer, gender nonconforming.

So, then what exactly is gender? Gender identity refers to woman/female/girl, man/male/boy, and other gender identities. Gender expression refers to feminine, masculine, and other. Gender is a limitless spectrum that can often be influenced by our experience of ourselves and of the world, our culture, and our sex assigned at birth. Some people identify with the sex they were assigned at birth (cisgender) and choose not to conform to the gender norms created by their culture. Some people identify as transgender and also choose not to conform to said gender norms. As many people as there are on earth is how many gender expressions there are. People identify as trans, but don’t take hormones or do take hormones, but don’t have surgery. Some people identify as cis but have surgery to alter their bodies to fit how they feel. It is limitless.

In all of this, nowhere did sexual orientation surface. This is because it’s a different part of us- different, but related. Sexual orientation refers to someone’s sexual attraction to men, women, and other genders. Romantic orientation refers to someone’s romantic attraction to men, women, and other genders. Someone can identify as bisexual, heterosexual, gay, lesbian, queer, questioning, and other identities. If someone is trans, it does not mean they identify as queer or gay or lesbian, etc. People can be trans and straight, trans and gay, trans and queer, cis and queer. We can identify as cis, straight, and romantically attracted to women. The combinations are nearly endless.

This post is by no means exhaustive on the subject of gender, sex, and sexual orientation. It’s a bit of a window out of which you might consider who you are, who we are, and the ways in which we can express this to ourselves and the world.

Love and Be Loved,
Natalie

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