Recently, it was my dad’s birthday so, I took a road trip to visit my parents. When I’m there, we like to take a lot of walks together. On one of our walks, my dad noticed a herd of cattle. There were at least forty cows walking pretty close together across the pasture. My dad laughed and said, “They’re looking for greener pastures.” As the three of us talked about what we were watching, my dad said it reminded him of something similar he saw when he was a kid.
He observed a herd of cattle walking across a field. As they approached a barbed wire fence, he figured that they would turn around (or at least stop). But they kept going! The cows pushed their heads and chests through the barbed wire fence as they struggled to eat from the other side. Eventually, much of the herd was tangled in the barbs of the fence.
This struck me in a couple of different ways. First, I thought about how determined those cows must have been to plow through a fence riddled with tiny, jagged ends. The second thought I had was, “Woah that is a pretty serious example of what some of us are willing to put ourselves through for what seems like greener grass.”
Moving, changes in relationship status, switching jobs or careers are a few examples of where we can fall into “that grass over there is greener”- and into our proverbial barbed wire fence. While there are plenty of times when a change in location, relationships, or jobs can be totally healthy, there are also plenty of times when making a major life change is not the best antidote to a rut. How are you supposed to tell the difference?
It’s not always easy to be truthful with ourselves about what’s best for us; sometimes we’re afraid to be totally honest about what we need because we’re afraid it might be challenging or painful. So, here are a few questions we can ask ourselves to get a jump on figuring out our best course of action.
How do I tend to react to stressful situations?
If you’re a person who tends to base your decisions on your emotions, you might decide that, since you’re experiencing difficult emotions in a particular situation, it means that you’d be happier if you left that situation (relationship, job, neighborhood, etc.)It might take a bit longer for you to see that discomfort could be an indicator that something needs to shift, but that it’s not necessarily your current situation.
How do I react to uncertainty?
Life is full of uncertainty and people manage it in a variety of ways. Some people avoid the stress uncertainty brings by securing something else in their lives- getting engaged, going back to school, having children, buying a house, changing careers, etc.
What is the narrative I tell about myself?
People tell themselves all sorts of things about who they are. “I’m not good at school.” “I’m not interesting.” “I have no willpower.” “I am too damaged.” These negative beliefs get in the way of your ability to make decisions with which you’ll be happy. They’re fear-based; most people have difficulty identifying their choices when they feel insecure and will settle for whatever feels safest.
So, the next time you find yourself in a “greener pastures” moment, slow your roll a little bit and give yourself some time to answer these questions. Give yourself a chance to make the decision that’s best suited for you, not what feels the safest at the moment.
Love and Be Loved,